Why am I not good enough?

May 26, 2022

Let me start by saying You ARE good enough. Where does this feeling of not being good enough come from? I think it’s fear. Fear of not living up to someone’s expectations. Guess what, it’s not your job to live up to people’s expectation. You deserve your own unconditional love. At your absolute best you still won’t be good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right person.

My daughter Hannah did a bonus video for my Confident Woman Recipe online course on self-compassion. Hannah is a psychotherapist. She talks about the 3 tenets to self-compassion that keeps us working towards our goals. We are imperfect, accept that and burn the shame shawl. In my Confident Woman Recipe online course, I teach that by paying attention to what we Eat & Drink, Wear and Think, confidence begins to shine through. The “thinking” aspect of this is the foundation for all of it. Feeling not good enough is some "stinkin' thinkin" that needs to be replaced with self-compassion.

Here are five ways to immediately start feeling good enough:

  1. Start a gratitude journal. This seems to be my answer to so many things but when you are taking stock in what you are grateful for, what is going well, what you like about yourself and your life – it forces you to pay attention to the good things in life you might take for granted. This one practice can shift your emotional tone in profound ways.
  2. Only compare yourself to yourself. Not your girlfriends, not co-workers, not other family members. Everyone has different good and bad attributes. On the surface someone may seem very successful but you don’t know her life story. Only compare yourself to you. Focus on your strengths. When you are comparing yourself to your past self, then you are actually comparing apples to apples.
  3. Set boundaries around your social media practice. Mindless scrolling can leave you even more susceptible to comparing yourself to others. Set time limits for yourself. Stop following anyone that triggers self-doubt.
  4. Listen to motivating music. One of my favorite fashion shows I produced had a theme of female empowerment. All the songs in the show focused on women surviving, thriving, being victorious. I could feel the power every time I would listen to the playlist. I make it a practice to listen to songs that empower me before going to bed. Music is a piece of art that goes in the ears straight to the heart. Let it fire you up in positive ways.
  5. Talk to yourself like your own best friend. What would you say? I doubt you would tell your BFF she wasn’t good enough. As a matter of fact, I bet you would tell her she is gorgeous, talented and capable of amazing things. This is the sort of thing you need to be telling yourself.

Embracing your own "good enough" can be challenging. Everybody struggles with this concept every once in a while, including myself. What other tips do you have for fighting self-doubt? I would love for you to share them.

If you enjoyed this then I know you will love my Confident Woman Recipe Course that begins June 7. For more information visit my website www.fwordstoliveby.com