In the 1980’s I co-owned a modeling school and agency in Evansville IN. One of the most popular classes was Skin Care and Makeup, where young women learned everything from foundation application o eyebrow shaping.
One of the first lessons I taught was to never say you are “plucking” your eyebrows. To this day I can’t stand to hear a woman say she needs to pluck her eyebrows (or chin in my case).
Why? Because you pluck a chicken. You tweeze your eyebrows.
When you lean in close, to tweeze with great precision and care you shape your brows - one hair at a time. You're intentional. Selective. You choose exactly what stays and what goes.
Now imagine doing the opposite. Grabbing a fistful and yanking. That's not grooming - that's plucking a chicken.
Here's the thing: most of us are plucking chickens with our self-talk.
The Words You Say When No One Is Listening
No one hears the conversation happening inside your head. And because no one hears it, it's easy to let it get a little wild in there - a little unfiltered, a little unkind, a whole lot harsh.
"I can't believe I ate that." "I look so old." "I should be further along by now." "Why can't I just get it together?"
Would you say any of that to your best friend? Of course not. You'd lose the friendship. But somehow, we've decided it's perfectly acceptable to say it to ourselves. It's not. And it's time we stop pretending it is.
The words you use with yourself are not neutral. They are either building you up or tearing you down. There's no middle ground.
Words Have Weight
Science backs this up. The language you use internally shapes your emotions, your behavior, and ultimately your results. When you speak harshly to yourself, your nervous system responds as if under threat - cortisol rises, creativity shuts down, and you go into survival mode. That's not a great place from which to build a beautiful, full life.
But when you speak to yourself with intention and even a little grace? Something shifts. You move differently. You make decisions from a place of confidence rather than shame. You show up.
This is not about toxic positivity. You don't have to pretend everything is perfect or plaster a smile on top of real struggle. This is about choosing precision over brutality - like the tweezer, not the pluck.
The Tweezer Approach to Self-Talk
Here's what intentional self-talk looks like in practice:
Instead of: "I'm so bad at this." Try: "I'm still learning, and I'm getting better."
Instead of: "I've wasted so much time." Try: "I'm starting from exactly where I am, and that's enough."
Instead of: "I'm too old for this." Try: "I have the experience, wisdom, and desire to do this."
Instead of: "I'll never be able to change." Try: "Change is possible for me - one small step at a time."
Notice the difference? Neither version is a lie. But one leaves you deflated, and one leaves you with somewhere to go.
You Get to Choose
Here's the most empowering truth I know: you are not stuck with the voice in your head as it currently operates. That voice was shaped by years of messages - from family, culture, comparison, and old wounds. But it can be reshaped. Intentionally. One word at a time.
You are a woman of worth. And women of worth speak to themselves accordingly.
Start small. The next time you catch yourself mid-pluck - mid-harsh thought - pause. Take a breath. And ask: Would I say this to someone I love? If the answer is no, you've just found a word worth replacing.
Tweeze, don't pluck. Be precise. Be kind. Be intentional.
Because the most important conversation you will ever have is the one happening inside your own head - and you, my friend, get to choose what's said.
Chris Fulkerson is a speaker, wellness coach, and lifestyle brand builder who helps women over 50 live fully and stylishly. She is the founder of the F Words Community, where food, fashion, fun, friendship, and fitness come together around one central truth: you are worth it.
